Need to Write it Down

Someone was telling me recently, that while they have put a priority on staying home with their kids, they're not sure they were cut out to be a stay-at-home mom. Totally understand that - are there many women who feel that they are? It is such an exhausting, humbling, 24-7 job that it seems to me any sane person would, at least occasionally, question the road they had chosen for themselves.

But then you have mornings like today. I don't know why, but the last few Mondays have been exceptionally good days with my boys. Maybe the kids are happy to get back into the routine after the weekend. I'm sure it has a lot to do with a more refreshed mommy who's had some breaks (huge, huge thanks to Eric who steps up big time when he's home).

I mentioned to Dawson when he woke up that it would be nice to make and deliver Valentines to two of our older neighbors who recently lost their wives. My gregarious child seemed to resonate with the idea that living all by yourself could be a little lonely and wouldn't it be nice to do something special for them? With no further discussion he slipped down to the playroom where our craft supplies live (temporarily bypassing the breakfast table) and started cutting and gluing. He emerged a little while later with the beginning of several beautiful creations. After breakfast, the three of us spent a long time putting finishing touches on them and figuring who would get what and writing messages, etc. Dawson got so into it that pretty soon he had made Valentines for our neighbors, but also for Daddy and Mommy and another friend as well. There's something satisfying about watching a child find such joy in taking simple materials and turning them into thoughtful creations that they are excited to deliver to their recipient. I indulged Stratton by allowing him to use markers (usually reserved for older kids) which also necessitated multiple trips to the sink because he was so disturbed by all the color he was getting on his hands. He would take out one color, lay down very close to the paper and make a little squiggle. Then he'd return the cap to the marker and repeat with another color. It kept him happy for all of ten minutes!

Dressed and ready to go, the Valentine's packed into a clean pizza box, the boys were so excited to get outside and make the deliveries. Another magical touch on today is the weather - it feels like spring has come in mid-February- near 70 degress, blue sky and warm sun. Unfortunately, our neighbors were not at home, so we postponed our deliveries till later in the day. No one wanted to go back inside, so it was time for some batting practice. I opted to forego the pitching duties today (getting off my feet was high priority by this point), and the boys were happy using the tee. They took turns sharing the bat and running after balls. For some reason watching Stratton jauntily run across the yard to retrieve the balls never fails to make me smile. Admittedly, he is getting faster, but he still runs like a toddler, with lots of side-to-side movement, his hair flopping as he goes and usually with a wide grin plastered on his face. Completely irresistible.

After storytime at the library -and it must be noted that my kids did not completely tear apart the library or draw too many annoyed looks while I checked out (a HUGE and unusual accomplishment) - and lunch, we headed back outside. Neighbors were still not at home (you could tell Dawson is getting disappointed), but it was just too nice to go in so we stayed out for a while. Sprawled on a blanket, we watched the sky, enjoyed the wind and took turns telling God what we were thankful for as leaves swirled in the air around us. It felt so good to be outside and warm and you could tell that they were just enjoying themselves. We talked about what it would be like to have a baby sister around (Dawson: "There's going to be lots of pink." He's very happy about this b/c it's his favorite color...) and at one point Dawson cuddled up to me and said, "Mommy, I like being with you." Wow. Can I bottle that one up to save for a while?

And that's what mothering is like. You put in countless hours of drudgery, sometimes feeling like a forgotten slave, but every once in a while those moments arise which bring into focus so clearly the value of what you're doing. Maybe it's the heartfelt expression of affection, or the gleam in their eye as they figure out some new skill or concept, or just the awareness of being together and really knowing and enjoying each other. It would be nice to take a shortcut to those moments, to extract the "meaningful moments" from the rest, but I'm not sure in relationships that's possible. The highs are only achievable because you've put in the rest of the time on the plateau when it seems like things are just limping along, or more often, driving you completely crazy.

And I needed to write this down because the magic will soon be over. The kids will be up from rest time. Stratton will be grumpy and asking incessantly for Daddy. I will be more tired and ready for the day to be over and we'll still have several house to get through before bedtime. I won't feel warm and fuzzy about my kids like I can right now and I will wish for just a few more minutes to read quietly by myself instead of tending to their needs. But I am thankful, and want to remember a magical morning with my precious boys.

Dawson with the duck they made at story time.